Friday, March 12, 2010

Co-Weasels of the Week: Malin Agnew & Jeremiah Masoli

It's amazing how this generation continues to turn out kids who seem to misplace their brains at the most inopportune times.

The first case is that of Malin Agnew, a clerk at the Apple Store in New York, who made headlines earlier today when she accused actor-comedian Richard Belzer (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) of choking her at the store. Agnew was doing her job, asking Belzer if he needed help. He casually placed his hands on her shoulders, a fact verified by store cameras and the police investigating the case. She claims Belzer began choking her. Belzer, in response, feels Agnew targeted him because of his celebrity status and a need for a quick payday, as if her salary isn't enough to pay the bills. You would think she'd know better than to target an actor who plays a cop on TV........! To vocalize the famous opening of Dragnet, dum-de-dum-dum-dumb!

Next, we go all the way across the country to the University of Oregon, where star quarterback Jeremiah Masoli has been suspended for the 2010 season, six months before it even begins! Masoli, considered a candidate for the Heisman Trophy, killed his chances when he was arrested on burglary charges. Worse, he tried to lie about it to his coach, but the fact that he plead guilty to a lesser misdemeanor charge cost him his high profile gig. In reading an account on Yahoo!, I found out that Masoli had a prior criminal record as a teenager. In other words, he'd be a perfect candidate to be drafted by teams like the Raiders & Bengals, who seem to have cornered the market on hiring reprobates & problem children.

It's doubtful that Masoli will even remain at Oregon. I see him turning pro, fueling his need to play despite his rap sheet, and since it's too late for him to declare for next month's draft, it's likely he'll be signed as a free agent. If not in the NFL or UFL, but likely Canada.

I was going to have only one Weasel this week, but the utter stupidity of Masoli ranked right up there with Ms. Agnew having an airhead moment on the job, such that it couldn't be ignored.

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