Monday, April 2, 2012

Monday Night Raw, 4/2/12: A new era, and an old nightmare

We went 6-2 with our Wrestlemania picks on Sunday. Not too shabby, I'll admit, but the one match I didn't want to be on the wrong end of was the 12-man tag match. Thanks to the duplicity of Eve Torres, who had been on the losing end of a women's tag match earlier, Teddy Long is out as GM of Friday Night Smackdown. John Laurinaitis gets to run both Smackdown & Monday Night Raw into the ground until the next panic attack. In other words, when Vince McMahon finally realizes he made a mistake, he'll send Laurinaitis either back to the front office, or down to the bushes to relearn charisma.

US champ Santino Marella retained in a handicap, billed as a triple threat, title defense over Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. WWE Champ CM Punk was counted out in a loss to Mark Henry, then had to deal with Chris Jericho afterward. Jericho smashed a bottle of Jack Daniels on Punk's head, still trying to sell the idea that Punk would eventually renounce his straight edge beliefs. Like that'll ever happen. It's a lost cause, but the writers don't know that. (Gee, what a shock, eh?)

Cody Rhodes got a taste of his own medicine after losing the Intercontinental title to Big Show at Wrestlemania. Show disrupted Rhodes' match vs. Kofi Kingston to show stills of his KO victory over Rhodes. So, of course, Rhodes lost again.

The Rock (Dwayne Johnson, to be seen next in "GI Joe: Retribution" this summer) said goodbye for now, vowing to win the WWE title for the first time in 10 years upon his return. Heh, that'd be worth the price of admission if it actually happens, and knowing the senile McMahon, it probably will. John Cena, who lost to Rock, wanted to publicly congratulate him, but was reintroduced to an old friend instead. Let me give you a little visual aid.......

Yep, he's baaaaaaaackkkkkkk!! Brock Lesnar, after retiring from UFC, has returned to WWE, and will resume hostilities vs. Cena after hitting the F-5. It's one of those things like riding a bike. You never forget, and even though it's been a while since Lesnar has actually wrestled, well....! Now you wonder if his wife, Sable, will return, too. Uh, I don't think so.

Speaking of returns, the artist formerly known as A-Train (Matt Bloom) returned, now operating under the handle of Lord Tensai. In his first match back in America in 8 years, he squashed Alex Riley like a bug. The caveman hair is gone, replaced with tattoos. I think Cena or Punk will be seeing this guy real soon, too.

I give them less than 6 months before they realize at last that Laurinaitis just isn't the long term answer. As Stone Cold Steve Austin used to say, that's all I have to say about that.


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