Sports this 'n' that

 Former NFL defensive lineman Chris Long (Inside The NFL) offered a piece of last minute advice to Grammy winner Bad Bunny ahead of tonight's Super Bowl halftime show.

Long, son of Fox analyst and Skechers pitchman Howie Long, suggested that Bad Bunny have no less than The Boss, Bruce Springsteen, open with "Born in The USA", Springsteen's seminal 1984 anthem. The idea here is that opening with such an iconic 80's track would get the audience on Bad Bunny's side, opposite the conservative screwballs who have their collective briefs in a twist. Speaking of.........

Boxer and YouTube "star" Jake Paul took offense to some remarks made by singer Billie Eilish at the Grammys, saying he wished that Eilish had her house broken into, but that Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) wouldn't be able to help her, after she slammed ICE. Apparently, Paul is getting ICE and local police mixed up, which prompted Yahoo! commenters to crack that Paul, 29, may have already contracted CTE after getting destroyed by Anthony Joshua last month.

Paul currently is in Italy at the Olympics, cheering on his fiancee, Dutch speed skater Jutta Leerdam, and was photographed alongside VP Just Dumb Vance at the hockey game between the US Women's team and Finland, which Team USA won, 5-0. When Vance left the venue, he left to boos for the 2nd day in a row after he'd been jeered during Friday's opening ceremonies.

Jake Paul, meanwhile, will have a Dunce Cap waiting for him when he comes home, due to his ignorant remarks.

Speaking of Dunces, that brings us to a punk named Jack Doherty. If you don't know who he is, he's a 22 year old livestreaming prankster, who thinks what he does allows him to avoid accountability. It doesn't.

On Friday, Doherty was ejected from the PGA's Waste Management-Phoenix Open after paying a fan $100 to try to distract one of the golfers.

He's 22, and a moron.

Like, unless Empty-V plans on relaunching Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd down the line, and there'd been rumors a few years ago, Doherty is wasting his talent being an imbecile with money. He won't be able to take his act on the PGA tour any further, as reportedly, he received a ban from all PGA events. He thinks what he does is really cool. Not anymore, it ain't. He's the kind of punk who'd livestream his own arrest if he was to hand off his camera phone to a friend, and he probably did.

What that gets you from this desk, bub, is a set of Weasel ears.

Former WWE announcer Craig Minervini (fka Craig DeGeorge in the late 80's), who last worked for WWE during the original XFL's run in 2001, resurfaced on MLB Network this week, calling the Caribbean Series, which closes out the winter baseball season. I'd think he's looking to audition for a MLB job this season, unless he already has one......!

Super Bowl 60 preview

 The underlying question in this year's Super Bowl is this. Redemption or revenge?

For more than 2 decades, the New England Patriots were football's Evil Empire. None of their wins were really without controversy for a variety of reasons, absent the scandals that emerged. Some felt that the Patriots were getting preferential treatment from officials due to owner Robert Kraft being on some influential committees. The ineptitude of opposing coaches (Atlanta, Seattle) was something New England benefited from.

Now, Seattle stands in a prime position to avenge their loss.

Everyone remembers how Pete Carroll botched it in the 4th quarter, leading to a game saving interception by Malcolm Butler, who, rightfully, should've been named MVP, but that honor----of course---went to diva QB Tom Brady, now with Fox and a shill for Pizza Hut. Butler ended up in Bill Belichick's doghouse the very next season, and disappeared.

Today, Russell Wilson is on the back 9 of his career after flopping with the Giants. Sam Darnold, who caddied Brock Purdy a couple of years ago in San Francisco, gets the start for the Seahawks, despite the fact that he has never beaten New England, dating back to his days with the Jests. Marshawn Lynch does the occasional commercial, not much else. Seattle's defense isn't exactly on the same level as the Legion of Boom a decade ago, but it's still formidable.

Mike Vrabel came back to New England with some past postseason coaching experience in Tennessee. He would've been back sooner had Kraft not decided on Jerod Mayo as head coach in 2024. Mayo bombed and was let go, opening up the reunion with Vrabel, a past Super Bowl hero. 2nd year QB Drake Maye hasn't been playing his best ball in the playoffs, bailed out by an opportunistic, swarming, ballhawking defense. Aside from journeyman receiver Stefon Diggs, the Patriots don't have any real stars, operating more as a team than in the Brady years.

And, then, there are other factors that could motivate New England, specifically the fact that Kraft & Belichick were both denied induction into the Hall of Fame for a number of reasons, including lingering suspicion of foul play during the Brady-Belichick era. If Vrabel adopts an "Us against the World" mentality, in addition to flashing his own rings, that may be the last piece of the puzzle.

One other upside. One of Kraft's closest friends, president Trump, won't be at the game, polluting the air with his presence. He bailed out last year at halftime as Philadelphia dominated Kansas City. Trump's increasing unpopularity would be another distraction that the NFL doesn't need.

If the pre-game marathons on NBC & ESPN don't thrill you, there's always the Olympics on USA and the Puppy Bowl on TBS. Kraft wants to prove he can win a Super Bowl without Belichick & Brady, who delivered six tainted titles. Brady's record at the Big Game was 6-3 as a Patriot, losing to the Eagles and Giants, the latter twice. New England has otherwise fallen to Chicago & Green Bay for an overall total of 6-5.

Vrabel & Maye are making believers out of former haters, and they'll need plenty of those to thwart a bid for revenge from Seattle.

The pick: New England in a shootout.

Of course, I could be wrong.

On The Shelf: A Disney crossover misfires, and other stuff

 Disney and Dynamite Entertainment must've bought into the Reese's Theory, that two great tastes would look great together.

Darkwing Duck and Gargoyles, two hit series from the 90's, are joined together in a miniseries that, in all honesty, may leave a black mark on the resumes of Gargoyles creator Greg Weisman, and on Tad Stones, who shepherded Disney's comedy-adventure toons like Darkwing and DuckTales. Stones plotted the story, with Weisman scripting, and Ciro Cangialosi drawing.

The plot?  Demona, fresh off her own miniseries, abducts Morgana Macawber, a sorceress who is also Darkwing's girlfriend, conscripting Morgana to help her steal some ancient tome.

Now, remember that Darkwing was created as a parody of Batman, a year before the Dark Knight's seminal animated series hit the air. Dynamite has gotten plenty of mileage out of Darkwing in the last couple of years, but the coupling of Darkwing, with daughter Gosalyn, with the Gargoyles, contrary to what Dynamite hoped, comes across like someone preparing a sandwich of peanut butter and relish. Not good. While Gargoyles has its share of comedy relief, I don't think fans will want to sit through 5 issues. There was a reason, after all, that I'd passed on a similar pairing of the Powerpuff Girls and the ThunderCats a few months back. The aesthetic is all wrong.

Rating: C.

Dynamite also made readers wait a month for the launch of Thundarr the Barbarian, which actually is a continuation of a sort of the 1980-2 animated series created by comics legends Jack Kirby & Steve Gerber for Ruby-Spears & ABC.

We are reintroduced to Thundarr's rogues gallery, as the hero goes undercover, returning to his past as a slave. While cover artist Michael Cho captures the aesthetic of the cartoon, right down to the Kirby-esque illustrations (and an Easter egg homage to Kirby), interior artist Kewber Baal is going for more of a Silver Age look, as opposed to the Bronze Age from whence Thundarr sprang. Writer Jason Aaron, better known for his work at Marvel (i.e. Thor), did his homework, Baal's art shifts from one style to another, and that isn't good. We saw what happened with the attempt at an Alex Toth homage with the Herculoids last year, as Craig Brousseau's artwork deteriorated over the course of the series. That can't happen here.

You tell yourself, it will get better. Because it needs to.

Rating: A-.

Mad Cave continues its Gatchaman one-shots, the final one focusing on Jinpei. While Tommy Lee Edwards' script is just fine, artist Daniel Hansen was the wrong choice. He, too, is going for a Silver Age aesthetic that doesn't belong.

To think that in the first American translation of the franchise, Jinpei was repackaged as an android. He's treated better in this series, and deservedly so.

Rating: C.

Marvel has released Planet of The Apes vs. Fantastic Four, or, another five issues of reader torture.

Writer Josh Trujillo (Who? Exactly.) must've cut his teeth on Image's style, because he drops us right in the middle of things, with the FF already prisoners in Ape City, stripped of their powers after being sent through a portal during a battle with old foe Red Ghost. Thor must figure into the plot somehow, or his appearance on the cover is misleading.

The above cover gives away the other antagonist, as you can see. Good thing this isn't in continuity. Unfortunately, Disney has laid another egg.

Rating: C.

Quick hits: Dynamite is ending the current ThunderCats monthly with issue 25, out in March, while launching an epic crossover with the Silverhawks, which will get underway, complete with attendant miniseries, in April. The event ties into the just concluded ThunderCats: Lost miniseries. Can you say, jump the shark?.........Writer David Pepose is using the 1981 Space Stars revival of Space Ghost as source material for volume 2 of the series. First, he reintroduced fans to Eclipse Woman in issue 3, reposited, as previously discussed, as an old flame of Space Ghost's. Space Spectre, in volume 1, was rebooted as a future version of Jace. Don't ask. To that point, Jan & Jace's grandfather, a scientist, is transformed into the Anti-Matter Man in issue 7, out now. In between, we had a follow up to a 1981 short about space vampires in issue 6.......Mad Cave will resume the Dick Tracy monthly in April, after a St. Patrick's Day Special in March, instead of a 2nd annual Valentine's Day number. Maybe they'll do Easter next year?.....Dynamite has the rights to Slave Labor's ill-fated run of Gargoyles, but the trades, like the books were originally, are in black & white, and more expensive than the normal Dynamite trade. Hmmmm.

Musical Interlude: Up, Up, & Away (1967-8)

 In a rare instance of The Ed Sullivan Show going on the road, the 5th Dimension perform "Up, Up, & Away" live in Las Vegas in 1968.

In memory of Lamonte McLemore, 90, who passed away earlier this week. Rest in peace.

It's never a good idea to push your beliefs on big business......

 Missouri Senator Josh "Hee" Hawley put his foot in his mouth again when Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos met with a Senate committee, ostensibly to discuss the still-pending merger of the streaming giant with Warner Bros Discovery. Hawley steered the discussion toward a discourse on how Netflix offends his supposed values with LGTBQ+ content, making it all about him (sound familiar?).

Farron Cousins explains.

So what this amounted to was Hawley hijacking the meeting to air out personal grievances. Yeah, that does have a familiar stench to it, doesn't it? What he really has a problem with is how the LGTBQ+ community has gained acceptance in general society, such that we're seeing more & more content developed for and about them. That's part of how society moves forward. Hawley and some of these other GOP stick-in-the-muds would rather move society back 70 years. Deal with it, chumps.

What Might've Been: Timecop (1997)

 Nearly three years after Dark Horse & Universal adapted the former's Timecop into a feature film with Jean Claude Van Damme, a TV version was sold to ABC, meant as a lead-in to Monday Night Football. However, with only one character returning from the movie, and that nearly three year time lag between movie and TV, Timecop flopped, and was gone before Christmas.

Don Stark, later of That 70's Show, took over the role originated by Bruce McGill in the movie. The only other familiar names include Kurt Fuller ("No Holds Barred", "Ghostbusters") and, in the series finale, Bruce Campbell.

Pardon the obvious pun, but time was not on their side.

Rating: C.

Today in GOP stupidity

 Donald Trump won't let go of 2020, specifically, his election loss to Joe Biden.

A normal person would've just accepted what happened, and moved on. Because of how he was mentored by his late father, Fred, and the late attorney, Roy Cohn, Trump is incapable of this. Instead, it eats at him, even though he's back in the White House. He just doesn't know how to put it behind him.

Consider, then, a recent raid in Fulton County, Georgia, supervised by the head of the office of national incompetence, Tulsi Gabbard. Five-plus years later, Trump still wants proof that doesn't exist that he was somehow screwed in 2020. You can't make him understand that the more he complains publicly about it, the worse it's going to be for him in the public eye.

As Farron Cousins explains, the chances of any vindictive prosecution coming out of this are just like the proof he seeks. Mythical.

Comedian Ron White was right. You can't fix stupid.

Meanwhile, House Speaker Mike Johnson thinks he knows more about the Bible than Pope Leo.

Yeah, and chickens have lips.

Misreading scripture on purpose to get his point across, Johnson is claiming that the borders of this country, specifically, are Biblical in nature.

At least a fictional character like Bart Simpson, for example, has been depicted attending services at church. When was the last time you took communion, Mike? At a Cajun revival meeting?

There is dumb, and then, there is Mike Johnson.

Turning Point USA has finalized its lineup for Sunday's "All American Halftime Show", running opposite the Super Bowl halftime program headlined by Bad Bunny. Washed up rap-rocker Kid Rock gets the headline spot for the show, which will air on Sinclair owned channels such as Charge. Figure this will be the least watched cable program in certain parts of the country come Sunday night.

Which is why this falls under, "why are they even bothering?". Because they're too stupid to realize that Puerto Rico-born Bad Bunny is an American citizen. It's been nearly 20 years since Kid Rock's last hit record, and then, he'd sampled classic Lynrd Skynrd.

Sinclair Broadcasting may want a refund.